It is no secret now that I battled cancer in 2007-2008. However, when I first rejoined the workforce in 2008/2009, that was not the case. I tried really hard to shield myself from awkward conversations and special treatment; I feared being "cancer boy". This behavior fit neatly into the insular culture of the firm -- hiding from conflict, defaulting to silence and shying away from the spotlight was the norm.
What's worse is that I started to absorb that culture. After applying to business school for the 2011 intake and being wait listed (and ultimately denied), I bottled it up and kept the news to myself. As a result, I was working longer and longer hours in a firm culture that was toxic to me.
Commiserating with a few work-compadres on a Wednesday in late December 2011, I asked them to join me for "hump day" drinks. At the bottom of the 2nd pint, I realized how much I had strayed from the clarity I found in my cancer diagnosis. I had survived cancer that only 1 in 8 patients survive, yet somehow I allowed myself to regress. Every Wednesday is a gift, not a "hump day" to simply get through.
I finally said f*ck it and decided that I needed a physical memento to remind me of this. I started with a bow tie in January. And every Wednesday since I have worn a bow tie to remember to pursue what is worthwhile and to remember that life is a gift.
Since then, I reapplied to business school, got accepted into the 2012 intake, and have gotten engaged. Not a bad start in 16 months. Lets see what the next 12 have in store.
Be well, do good.
BG
